Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
