I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
