I think I am morally bankrupt
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
