I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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