it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
