I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
