Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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