erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize