where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
