weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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