Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
