she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
