I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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