I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
