There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
