I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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