she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
