He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
