I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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