I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
