I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize