I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
