EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize