Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
