Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
