I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
