I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize