Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
