Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
