i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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