No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
