phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
