she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I believe in your delicious
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
