I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
