I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
