It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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