can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
