You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
