the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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