you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
