I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
