hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize