Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
