I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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