she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
