It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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