marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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