If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
