I heard we made out
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
