elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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