gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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