hotel room ftw
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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