this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
