I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize