Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
