Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize