I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
