i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
