K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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