4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
