Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
bring money and cleavage
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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