My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
