I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
