why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
