this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
