My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
