i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
