If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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