sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize