the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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