your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
