I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Will exercising make me less horny?
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