I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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