You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
