how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
