You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
