i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
