I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
