There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
