hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
