Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
