The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
