I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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