hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
