hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
