Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I came so hard my ears popped.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
