Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still dying that you shit outside
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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