Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
