Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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