dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
