somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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