You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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