A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
