When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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