Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
