you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
