my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
