Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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