worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
