On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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