So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
