i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
