She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
