my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
