mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize