Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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