pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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