Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
