Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
