Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
